When I read about the evils of drinking...I gave up reading.
I'm gonna live forever, or die trying.
Love is grand; divorce is quite a few more grand.
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.
Always tell the truth. Then you don't have to remember anything.
Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.
NASA reports that galaxies are speeding away from earth at 90,000 miles a second. What do you suppose they know that we don't?
Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
As we slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way.