I'm a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I'll forget.
Never ask a 3-year old to hold a tomato.
As we slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way.
I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?'
Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.
Never trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent.
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.
Dreaming frees the soul, energizes the spirit and allows you to do things that would get your ass thrown in jail if you really tried them.