I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?'
Behind every great man, there is a surprised woman.
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes, and women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.
When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
My weight is perfect for my height - which varies.
Did you hear about the fat, alcoholic transvestite - All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary.
I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't.