Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.
Why do women never say what they want or mean because they always expect men to innately know what they are thinking? Do they think men are psychic?
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up