You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.
Always tell the truth. Then you don't have to remember anything.
Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography.
He who dies with the most toys is still dead.
Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
After years of research, scientists have discovered what makes women happy. Nothing.
Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
What are the three words you never want to hear while making love? Honey, I'm home.
When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
I'm so depressed. My doctor refused to write me a prescription for Viagra. He said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building.