Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "THEIRS"?

A picture may be worth a thousand words, but it uses up a thousand times more memory!

The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get suckered into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house!

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings ...... they did it by killing all those who opposed them.

The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.

Never play strip poker with a nudist, they have nothing to lose.