Old women with mobile phones look wrong.

Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

I love animals - They taste great!

Men are always whining about how we are suffocating them. Personally, I think that if you can hear them whining, you're not pressing hard enough on the pillow.

If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is to stop digging.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

They told me I was gullible... and I believed them.

Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment.

They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn't all that communicative but I heard from it the other day after I said, "Body, how'd you like to go to the six o'clock class in vigorous toning?" Clear as a bell my body said, "Listen fatty....do it and die."