A flat will occur when you are without a spare. This will happen after your significant other has reminded you to get one. He/She will be in the car.

People are more violently opposed to fur than to leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.

If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that.

Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.

A fool and his money can throw one heck of a party.

I've been doing the Fonda workout: the Peter Fonda workout. That's where I wake up, take a hit of acid, smoke a joint, and go to my sister's house and ask her for money.

What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread?

Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?