Those who live by the sword... get shot by those who don't.

A little more moderation would be good. Of course, my life hasn't exactly been one of moderation.

What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

Dreaming frees the soul, energizes the spirit and allows you to do things that would get your ass thrown in jail if you really tried them.

Finally, my ship came in ... and as expected, it's leaking.

This would be really funny if it weren't happening to me.

It's what people don't know about each other that makes them such good friends.

If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.

And Jesus said to John, "Come forth and I will give you eternal life." - John came fifth, so he won a toaster.