Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

Needing someone is like needing a parachute, if they aren't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing them again.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

You never know where to look when eating a banana.

Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

I've learned that 99% of the time when something isn't working in your house, one of your kids did it!

Do Chinese people get hungry an hour after they eat American food?

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, But also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.