Posts Tagged ‘big’

A husband and wife were in their back yard. He was noticing her expanding backside. He commented, “Boy, your butt is getting big.. .almost as big as the gas grill.” She angrily stomped across the yard. He followed saying, “Yep, that thing is getting huge.” At this, the wife retreated to the far side of the yard. Soon, he approached with a tape measure, acquired the width, and exclaimed, “IT IS AS BIG AS THE GAS GRILL!”

Later that night when they were in bed, the husband started making moves on his wife. She just turned away. “C’mon, honey,” he said, “What’s wrong?”

Her cold reply was, “I’m not firing up this grill for just one LITTLE wiener!”

Joe had lived with his wife Mary in their little home deep in the woods for fifty years. To celebrate their fiftieth anniversary, he took her to the big city and they checked into an upscale hotel.

Mary had a complaint for the bellman. “We refuse to settle for such a small room. We don’t have any windows or fan, or even a bed!”

“But, Madam!”

Mary interrupted the man. “Don’t you ‘But, Madam’ me!” she stormed. “You can’t treat us like we’re a couple of fools just because we don’t travel much, and we’ve never been to the big city, and we’ve never spent the night at a hotel. I’m going to complain to the manager!”

“But, Madam,” the bellman finally got out, “this isn’t your room. It’s the elevator!”

Hearing about a dinosaur alive in the rain forests of South America, a professor launches a scientific expedition.

After several weeks he stumbles upon a little man wearing a loincloth, standing near a 300-foot-long dead dinosaur.

The scientist can’t believe his eyes. “Did you kill this dinosaur?” he asks.

“Yep,” replies the rain-forest native.

“But it’s so big and you’re so small! How did you kill it?”

“With my club,” the primitive fellow answered.

“How big is your club?”

“Well, there are about 100 of us…”

Doctor (Taking up his stethoscope): “Big breaths.”

Adolescent blonde: “Yeth, and I’m not even thixteen.”