Posts Tagged ‘chocolate’

1. If you’ve got melted chocolate all over your hands, you’re eating it too slowly.

2. Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.

3. The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car. - The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.

4. Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It’ll take the edge off your appetite and you’ll eat less.

5. A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn’t that handy?

6. If you can’t eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can’t eat all your chocolate, what’s wrong with you?

7. If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.

8. If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Don’t they actually counteract each other?

9. Money talks. Chocolate sings.

10. Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.

Chocolate is derived from cocoa beans. Beans are vegetables.

Therefore chocolate is a vegetable!

Sugar is derived from either sugar cane or sugar beets. Both are plants, which places them in the vegetable category. Thus, chocolate is a vegetable.

To go one step further, chocolate candy bars also contain milk, which is dairy.

So candy bars are a health food.

Chocolate-covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.

The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.

Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It’ll take the edge off your appetite, and you’ll eat less.

If you eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, isn’t that a balanced diet? Don’t they actually counteract each other?

Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.

Put “eat chocolate” at the top of your list of things to do today.

That way, at least you’ll get one thing done.

A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Now, isn’t that handy?

An elderly man was at home, dying in bed. He smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies baking. He wanted one last cookie before he died. He fell out of bed, crawled to the landing, rolled down the stairs, and crawled into the kitchen where his wife was busily baking cookies.

With waning strength, he crawled to the table and was just barely able to lift his withered arm to the cookie sheet. As he grasped a warm, moist, chocolate chip cookie–his favorite kind–his wife suddenly whacked his hand with a spatula.

“Why?” he whispered. “Why’d you do that?”

“They’re for the funeral,” she replied