
ODI
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize
By the time a man's wife learns to understand him, she has usually stopped listening to him.
Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job,and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp.
Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
Behind every great man, there is a surprised woman.
Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the "y" becomes silent.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I've ever known.
My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 5 hours to Hoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak.
Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn
In the animal kingdom, the rule is, eat or be eaten; in the human kingdom, define or be defined.