Joke Overflow –  Joke Archive

Random Thoughts

  • You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

  • One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.

  • My friend is engaged in a major custody battle. His wife doesn't want him and his mother won't take him back.

  • I had a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability to use language that makes him the dominant species on the planet. That may be, but I think there's one other thing that separates us from animals. We aren't afraid of vaccuum cleaners.

  • Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.

  • If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.

  • Always look on the negative side, so you'll never be dissapointed.

  • Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job,and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp.

  • The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.

  • I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.



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