Joke Overflow –  Joke Archive

Random Thoughts

  • Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?

  • The wise never marry, and when they marry they become otherwise.

  • Reading when you're drunk is horrible.

  • Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"

  • Some people are like Slinkies. . . not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

  • I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

  • No one is listening until you fart.

  • Red meat is not bad for you, but fuzzy green meat is.

  • I've been doing the Fonda workout: the Peter Fonda workout. That's where I wake up, take a hit of acid, smoke a joint, and go to my sister's house and ask her for money.

  • Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.



Two physicians boarded a flight out of Seattle. One sat in the window

seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before takeoff, an attorney

got on and took the aisle seat next to the two physicians.

The attorney kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in

when the physician in the window seat said,” I think I”ll get up and get a

coke.”

“No problem,” said the attorney, “I”ll get it for you.”

While he was gone, one of the physicians picked up the attorney”s shoe and

spat in it.

When he returned with the coke, the other physician said, “That looks good,

I think I”ll have one too.”

Again, the attorney obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the

other physician picked up the other shoe and spat in it. The attorney

returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the flight. As the plane was

landing, the attorney slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately

what had happened.

“How long must this go on?” he asked. “This fighting between our

professions? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and

pissing in cokes?”

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