
Why I still sleep with my Teddy Bear
Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.
When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.
My wife is so ugly... A cannibal took one look at her and ordered salad.
People who cannot make love make money.
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press "Ctrl-Alt -Delete " and start all over?
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all.
Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant.
There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, 'I know what I'm doing; just show me somebody naked.'
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague

Why I still sleep with my Teddy Bear