Joke Overflow –  Joke Archive

Random Thoughts

  • Take all your dumps at work. Not only will you save money on toilet paper, but you'll also be getting paid for it.

  • If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong ...

  • If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague

  • Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.

  • I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just standing up really fast.

  • A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: "Duh."

  • If you drink don't park, accidents cause people.

  • Tell me what you need and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

  • If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys. But if it deals you a truckload of hand grenades...now THAT'S a message!!

  • I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?'



Mrs. Davidson’s dishwasher quit working, so she called a repairman.

He couldn’t accommodate her with an evening appointment. Since she had to go

to work the next day, she told him: “I’ll leave the key under the mat.

“Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I’ll mail you the

check. By the way, don’t worry about my Doberman.

He won’t bother you. But, whatever you do, …do NOT under any circumstances

talk to my parrot!”

When the repairman arrived at Mrs. Davidson’s apartment the next day, he

discovered the biggest and meanest looking Doberman he had ever seen. But,

just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet, watching the

repairman go about his business. However, the whole time he was there, the

parrot drove him nuts with his incessantyelling, cursing, and name-calling

Finally the repairman couldn’t contain himself any longer and yelled: “Shut up,

you stupid ugly bird!” To which the parrot replied:

“Get him, Spike!”

Other Text Jokes

  • Text Jokes - Animals

    (187)
    Written jokes about animals, pets, nature, bugs. Despite our best efforts we can't get PETA to sponsor this category.
  • Text Jokes - Bar & Alcohol

    (129)
    Written jokes about drunks and bars. A horse walked into a bar - the barman asked why the long face... you get the idea.
  • Text Jokes - Blonde

    (74)
    All humour websites are required to have written jokes about blondes. We're trying a different approach by portraying blondes in a positive light.
  • Text Jokes - Computers

    (93)
    Written jokes about IT, the office, computers and the people that operate them.
  • Text Jokes - Kids

    (155)
    Written jokes about kids, for kids (parental supervision required). Other peoples kids are always so cute where as it always seems your own kids crawled out of Satan's bottom.
  • Text Jokes - Lawyers

    (16)
    Written jokes about lawyers, normally portraying them in a negative light.
  • Text Jokes - Male & Female

    (836)
    Written jokes about man and woman. Who will win? Our last count saw women leading 2 to 1.
  • Text Jokes - Medical & Doctors

    (86)
    Written antics about doctors, nurses and general failings of the healthcare system.
  • Text Jokes - News & Politics

    (173)
    Written jokes targeting politicians and people in the news.
  • Text Jokes - Random

    (324)
    Written jokes that we were too lazy to categorise. This category pretty much covers everything.
  • Text Jokes - Religion

    (123)
    Written jokes not suitable for religious fanatics. We do not discriminate - we make fun of everyone.
  • Text Jokes - Sports

    (89)
    Written antics about sports and the people that play them.
  • Text Jokes - Stupid People

    (29)
    Text jokes about stupid people. This category is full of darwin awards and "I can't beliive he did that!"