Posts Tagged ‘Prison’

IN PRISON…You spend the majority of your time in an 8×10 cell.

AT WORK…You spend most of your time in a 6×8 cubicle.

IN PRISON…You get three meals a day.

AT WORK…You get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.

IN PRISON…You get time off for good behavior.

AT WORK…You get rewarded for good behavior with more work.

IN PRISON…A guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.

AT WORK…You must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors by yourself.

IN PRISON…You can watch TV and play games.

AT WORK…You get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON…You get your own toilet.

AT WORK…You have to share.

IN PRISON…They allow your family and friends to visit.

AT WORK…You cannot even speak to your family and friends.

IN PRISON…All expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required.

AT WORK…You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from you salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON…You spend most of your life looking through bars from inside wanting to get out.

These two men were cellmates at state penitentiary for nine years. One day Larry said to Joe, “You know man its been a long time since we had some sex so you oughta let me screw you.”

Joe replied.”Are you crazy?!!”

Larry went on to say, “I promise you that it won’t hurt and we’ll flip a coin and see who screws, who first.

So, Joe thought about it for a minute and finally agreed.

They flipped a coin and Larry won.

Still having strong reservation Joe asked, “How will you tell if it hurts or not?”

Larry told Joe, “If it hurts you start making animal noises, and I’ll stop. But if it feels good start singing.”

Larry started the insertion and Joe screamed, Moooooooo…. Moooooo… Mooooon River….

After being arrested for robbery, Quinn hired the best lawyer in town.
“Look,” the crook said, “I’ve got nearly a million in cash in my bank box.
Can you get me off?”
The lawyer said, “Believe me, pal, you will never go to prison with that kind of money.”
And sure enough, he did not. He went to prison flat broke.

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried a creative defense to get his client off the hook. “My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few paltry items. His arm is not himself, so I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed soley by his arm.”
“Well put,” the judge replied with a grin. “Using that same logic, I sentence the defendant’s arm to one year’s imprisonment. Your client can accompany the arm or not, as he chooses.”
The defendant smiled. With his lawyer’s help, he detatched his artificial limb, laid it on the bench and walked out.