
Hey man, I found your cat!
Tell me what you need and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get suckered into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house!
Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!
There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.
Capital punishment turns the state into a murderer. But imprisonment turns the state into a gay dungeon-master.
I always leave an empty milk carton in the refrigerator just in case someone wants their coffee black.
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.
Remember "I" before "E", except in Heineken.

Hey man, I found your cat!