My friend is engaged in a major custody battle. His wife doesn't want him and his mother won't take him back.
The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.
Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
If the world was a logical place, men would ride horses sidesaddle.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I've ever known.
If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all.
Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak.
In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.
While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball, and seeing nobody around, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts. Later, on his way home, he stopped at a pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change.
A girl standing next to him saw the largebulge in his shorts.
“What’s that?” she asked with her eyes gleaming lustfully.
“Tennis ball,” came the breathless reply.
“Oh,” said the girl sympathetically, “that must be painful….I had tennis elbow once!”
