Joke Overflow –  Joke Archive

Random Thoughts

  • A crust eaten in peace is better than a banquet partaken in anxiety.

  • Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.

  • Is it possible to be totally partial?

  • I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

  • Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection make him a sandwich!

  • I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

  • A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.... what more can I say........

  • He who hesitates is probably right

  • I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, 'Well, that's not going to happen.'

  • Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.



5 September 1999, Jerusalem In most parts of the world, the switch away from

Daylight Savings Time proceeds smoothly. But the time change raised havoc with

Palestinian terrorists this year.

Israel insisted on a premature switch from Daylight Savings Time to Standard

Time to accommodate a week of pre-sunrise prayers. Palestinians refused to live

on “Zionist Time.” Two weeks of scheduling havoc ensued. Nobody knew the

“correct” time.

At precisely 5:30pm on Sunday, two coordinated car bombs exploded in different

cities, killing three terrorists who were transporting the bombs. It was

initially believed that the devices had been detonated prematurely by klutzy

amateurs. A closer look revealed the truth behind the explosions.

The bombs had been prepared in a Palestine-controlled area, and set to detonate

on Daylight Savings Time. But the confused drivers had already switched to

Standard Time. When they picked up the bombs, they neglected to ask whose watch

was used to set the timing mechanism. As a result, the cars were still en-route

when the explosives detonated, delivering the terrorists to their untimely

demises.

Other Text Jokes

  • Text Jokes - Animals

    (187)
    Written jokes about animals, pets, nature, bugs. Despite our best efforts we can't get PETA to sponsor this category.
  • Text Jokes - Bar & Alcohol

    (129)
    Written jokes about drunks and bars. A horse walked into a bar - the barman asked why the long face... you get the idea.
  • Text Jokes - Blonde

    (74)
    All humour websites are required to have written jokes about blondes. We're trying a different approach by portraying blondes in a positive light.
  • Text Jokes - Computers

    (93)
    Written jokes about IT, the office, computers and the people that operate them.
  • Text Jokes - Kids

    (155)
    Written jokes about kids, for kids (parental supervision required). Other peoples kids are always so cute where as it always seems your own kids crawled out of Satan's bottom.
  • Text Jokes - Lawyers

    (16)
    Written jokes about lawyers, normally portraying them in a negative light.
  • Text Jokes - Male & Female

    (836)
    Written jokes about man and woman. Who will win? Our last count saw women leading 2 to 1.
  • Text Jokes - Medical & Doctors

    (86)
    Written antics about doctors, nurses and general failings of the healthcare system.
  • Text Jokes - News & Politics

    (173)
    Written jokes targeting politicians and people in the news.
  • Text Jokes - Random

    (324)
    Written jokes that we were too lazy to categorise. This category pretty much covers everything.
  • Text Jokes - Religion

    (123)
    Written jokes not suitable for religious fanatics. We do not discriminate - we make fun of everyone.
  • Text Jokes - Sports

    (90)
    Written antics about sports and the people that play them.
  • Text Jokes - Stupid People

    (29)
    Text jokes about stupid people. This category is full of darwin awards and "I can't beliive he did that!"