Posts Tagged ‘Wife’

A golfer stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity. Looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed–driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated partner says, “What’s taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!” The guy answers, “My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot.” “Forget it, man, you’ll never hit her from here!”

Marsha completed four weeks of dental restoration with Dr. Morris Cohen the dentist. She confided to her best friend that she had fallen in love with her dentist …and she was going to propose to him.

Her friend said, ” Marsha you’re 34 years old, you’re beautiful, you have dozens of men who adore you. Why this dentist?”

“Because he is the First man that ever said to me…. SPIT, don’t SWALLOW.”

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started
back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a
grave.

The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, Why did
you have to die? Why did you have to die?”

The first man approached him and said, “Sir, I don’t wish to interfere with your
private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I’ve ever seen
before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?”

The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied,
“My wife’s first husband.”

A few days before Christmas, a man enters a pet store looking for a unique gift for his wife.

The store manager tells him he has just what he’s looking for; a beautiful parrot named Chet that sings Christmas carols. He brings the husband over to a colorful but quiet bird. The man agrees that Chet certainly is pretty, but he doesn’t seem to be much for singing. The manager tells him to watch as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a lighter.

The manager then clicks the lighter and holds it under Chet’s left foot. Immediately Chet starts singing; “Silent Night, Holy Night.” The husband is very impressed with Chet’s singing abilities and watches as the manager moves the lighter underneath Chet’s right foot. Chet now starts to sing “Jingle Bells, Jingle All the Way.” The husband says Chet is perfect and that he’ll take him.