Joke Overflow –  Joke Archive

Random Thoughts

  • Definition of pressure:.....A wife, a mistress and a mortgage all a month late.

  • My wife says I never listen to her...at least I think that's what she said.

  • There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and shithead's.

  • The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it.

  • Why is it that men can react to broken bones as 'just a sprain' and deep wounds as 'just a scratch', but when they get the sniffles they are deathly ill 'with the flu' and have to be bed-ridden for weeks?

  • If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys. But if it deals you a truckload of hand grenades...now THAT'S a message!!

  • Earn cash in your spare time...blackmail friends!

  • Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day.

  • In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.

  • When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.



3 February 1990, Washington

A man tried to commit a robbery in Renton, WA. This was probably his first

attempt, as suggested by the fact that he had no previous record of violent

crime, and by his terminally stupid choices as listed below:

1. The target was H&J Leather & Firearms, a gun shop.

2. The shop was full of customers, in a state where a substantial portion of

the adult population is licensed to carry concealed handguns in public places.

3. To enter the shop, he had to step around a marked Police patrol car parked

at the front door.

4. An officer in uniform was standing next to the counter, having coffee before

reporting to duty.

Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a holdup and fired a few

wild shots. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, removing him from

the gene pool. Several other customers also drew their guns, but didn’t fire.

No one else was hurt

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