The light at the end of the tunnel is the normally the headlight of the oncoming train.

Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

Light travels faster than sound. This why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography.

It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

I was at a restaurant yesterday. I asked the waiter for the black pepper, and he gave me the Sowetan.

If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

I just new I was in big trouble at work when the new policy on sexual harassment included a photo of me.

Have you ever considered how evil a chicken omelette is? They kill the chicken, chop it up and cook it inside their own babies... Too bad it\'s delicious.

My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines and a large trash can.