Joke Overflow –  Joke Archive

Random Thoughts

  • Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press "Ctrl-Alt -Delete " and start all over?

  • I started out with nothing and still have most of it left!

  • I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't.

  • The nice part about living in a small town: When you don't know what you're doing, someone else always does.

  • A crust eaten in peace is better than a banquet partaken in anxiety.

  • Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a frisbee.

  • There's an inverse proportion between your stress quantity and your boss' hours in the office.

  • Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

  • To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!

  • There are two kinds of pedestrians- the quick and the dead.



A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he’d lost his cigarettes. He went back in and in the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump. “No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes,” he said to himself. He got out his hammer and flattened the hump.

As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. “Here,” she said, handing him his pack of cigarettes. “I found them in the hallway.”

“Now,” she said, “If only I could find my parakeet.”