Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open from the end you first try?

Flashlight: a case for holding dead batteries.

How come we never hear any father-in-law jokes?

If a man speaks in the forest, and no woman hears him, is he still wrong?

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

How come "abbreviated" is such a long word?

The things that come to those who wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

College is like a woman: You work so hard to get in, and nine months later, you wish you had not come.