Random Thought
“They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn't all that communicative but I heard from it the other day after I said, "Body, how'd you like to go to the six o'clock class in vigorous toning?" Clear as a bell my body said, "Listen fatty....do it and die."”

Another Thought...

PostHeaderIcon Formula for picking up chicks!

Here it is, the greatest formula ever, better then Plank’s Photo-electric Theorem, more useful then Einstein’s Theory of Relativity and less boring then Newton’s, Boyle’s and Rutherford’s ramblings. It essentially determines to what extent your bird standards will fall while intoxicated in a social environment:

U = S – L

Where: L = (P x a) Ts / Tr x Wi

Values

U= Ugly chick factor

S = Sober attraction factor (see text below)

L = Downward shift of Standards (to be subtracted from S)

P = Pints consumed

a = Strength of lager (see conversion table)

Ts = Time since last shag (months)

Tr = Time remaining at establishment(hours)

wi = Witnesses present

Conversion table for (a)

Hoffmeister/XXXX = .5

Fosters/Heineken = 1

Stella/Kronenbourg = 1.5

Exhibition Cider = 2.0

Before you do anything you have to be brutally honest and decide a figure (S) on a scale of 1 to 15 (budgieometer)as to what your average budgie pull is likely to look like while you are sober (1 being Roseanne through to 15 being Claudia Schiffer).

The result of the formula (L) is the figure you MINUS from you sober score(S) in order to obtain (U). The value (U) is then checked on the corresponding budgieometer. Hey presto, you have a value for your chick’s ugliness.

Although this formula is purely for statistical purposes one usually finds their mates are highly calibrated indicators.


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