Random Thought
“Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.”

Another Thought...

PostHeaderIcon One Liners for blondes!

Q: What do you call two blondes at Milky Lane?

A: Double thick

Q: How does a psychic refer to a blonde?

A: Light reading

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who thought she discovered that she had a twin brother?

A: She didn’t realise she was looking in a mirror.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who got knocked over by a UNO?

A: She thought it was a big car in the distance.

Q: How do blonde brain cells die ?

A: Alone

Q: How do you change a blonde’s mind?

A1: Blow in her ear.

A2: Buy her another beer.

Q: How do you keep a blonde busy all day?

A: Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.

Q: How does a blonde spell farm?

A: E-I-E-I-O

Q: Why are blondes so easy to get into bed?

A: Who cares?

Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?

A: Run like hell… she’s got a hand grenade in her mouth.

Q: What do you call a blonde golfer with an IQ of 125?

A: A foursome.

Q: What do you call a blond mother-in-law?

A: An air bag.

Q: Why do Blondes wear earmuffs?

A: To avoid the draft.

Q: What do blonde virgins eat?

A: Baby food.

Q: What’s the mating call of a blonde?

A: “I’m sooo drunk!”

Q: What is the mating call of an ugly blonde?

A: (Screaming) “I said: I’m drunk!”

Q: What is the mating call of a brunette?

A: “All the blondes have gone home!”

Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?

A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?

A: Trying to hold on to a thought.

Q: Why did the blonde stare at the frozen orange juice can for two hours?

A: Because it had “concentrate” written on it.

Q: Why did the blonde take two hits of acid?

A: She wanted to go on a round trip.

Q: Why did the blonde snort Nutra-Sweet?

A: She thought it was diet coke.

Q: Why did the blonde bake a chicken for three and a half days?

A: The recipe said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125.

Q: Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering?

A: The noise gave her a headache.

Q: Why did the blonde have blisters on her lips?

A: From trying to blow out light bulbs.

Q: Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar?

A: She heard that the drinks were on the house.

Q: Why don’t blondes have elevator jobs?

A: They can’t remember the route.

Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?

A: So you don’t have to retrain them on Monday.

Q: What is the first thing a blonde learns when she takes driving lessons ?

A: You can also sit upright in a car.

Q: What is the difference between a Elvis/Bigfoot and a smart blonde?

A: Elvis/Bigfoot has been sighted.

Q: What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs?

A: Some traffic signs say stop.

Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and a lightbulb?

A: The lightbulb is smarter, but the blonde is easier to turn on.

Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and a shopping cart?

A: The shopping cart has a mind of its own.

Q: What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?

A: She turned it over and used the other side.

Q: What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase?

A: “It’s OK Daddy, I’m not hurt.”

Q: How do you plant dope?

A: Bury a blonde.

Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?

A: Wave to her.

Q: How does a blonde get pregnant?

A: And I thought blondes were dumb!

Q: How do you make a blonde’s eyes light up?

A: Shine a torch in her ear.

Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?

A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!

Q: How do you kill a blonde?

A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.

Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?

A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.

Q: How do you drown a blond?

A1: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.

A2: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

Q: How does a blonde high-5?

A: She smacks herself in the forehead.

Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?

A: Flattered.

Q: What is every blonde’s ambition in life?

A: To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.

Q: What are the worst six years in a blonde’s life?

A: Third grade.

Q: What do UFO’s and smart blondes have in common?

A: You keep hearing about them, but never see any.

Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

A: I don’t know, there are some things even a blonde won’t do.

Q: What’s the disease that paralyses blondes below the waist?

A: Marriage.

Q: What’s six inches long, has a bald head, and drives blondes crazy?

A: A hundred dollar bill.

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?

A: You don’t. They’re born that way.

Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?

A: You find M & M shells all over the kitchen floor.

Q: Why don’t blondes like making Kool-aid?

A: Because they can’t fit eight cups of water in the little packet.

Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?

A: (I’ll tell you tomorrow.)

Q: How do you keep a blonde busy?

A: Write “Please turn over” on both sides of a piece of paper.

Q: What does “Bones” McCoy say before performing brain surgery on a blonde?

A: “Space. The final frontier…”

Q: How does the blonde car pool work?

A: They all meet at work at 7:45.

Q: Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England?

A: She found out Big Ben is only a clock.

Q: Why can’t blondes make ice cubes?

A: They always forget the recipe.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who bought an AM radio?

A: It took her two weeks to figure out that you could play it at night.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who received emergency treatment for concussion and severe head wounds?

A: She tried to commit suicide by hanging herself with a bungie cord.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who couldn’t wait to see 20 000 leagues under the sea?

A: She said that she loved baseball, and was surprised that there were so many teams.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who stood in front of a mirror with her eyes closed?

A: She wanted to see what she looked like in her sleep.

Q: Did you hear about the new form of birth control for blondes?

A: They take off their makeup.

Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?

A: So she could keep the refrigerator cold.

Q: How many blondes does it take to play hide and seek?

A: One.

Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?

A: Divorced.

Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?

A: She threw it off a cliff.

Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?

A: The cow fell on her.

Q: How did the blonde burn her nose?

A: Bobbing for french fries.

Q1: How can you tell if a blonde’s been using the computer?

A: There’s white-out on the screen.

Q2: How can you tell if another blonde’s been using the computer?

A: There’s writing on the white-out.

Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and a computer?

A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.

Q: How can you tell when a fax has been sent from a blonde?

A: There is a stamp on it.

Q: What’s the difference between a blond with PMS and a terrorist?

A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.

Q: What’s the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS?

A: Lipstick.

Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?

A: You can park in the handicap zone.

Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?

A: It takes too long to retrain them.

Q: What does the postcard from a blond’s vacation say?

A: Having a wonderful time. Where am I?

Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes?

A: Toes go in first.

Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?

A: To catch as much as they can that is over their heads.

Q: Why don’t blondes make good pharmacists?

A: They can’t get the bottle into the typewriter.

Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and


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