Random Thought
“There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning.”

Another Thought...

PostHeaderIcon Letters to Santa!

Dear Santa,

I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Iv ben a good boy all yeer.

YeR FReND, BiLLy

—–

Dear Billy,

Nice spelling. You’re on your way to being a career lawn care specialist.

How ’bout I send you a fucking book so you can learn to read and write?

I’m giving your older brother the space ranger, at least HE can spell!

Santa

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Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and

joy in the world for everybody!

Love, Sarah

—–

Dear Sarah,

You’re parents smoked pot when they had you, didn’t they?

Santa

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Dear Santa,

I’ve written you for three years now asking for a fire truck. Please, I

really, really want a fire truck this year!

Love, Joey

—–

Dear Joey,

Let me make it up to you. While you sleep, I’m gonna torch your house.

You’ll have more fire trucks than you’ll know what to do with.

Santa

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Dear Santa,

I don’t know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I’d like for my mommy

and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.

Love, Teddy

—–

Dear Teddy,

What, and ruin that hot affair your dad’s still having with the babysitter?

He’s banging her like a screen door in a hurricane, son!

Let me get you some nice Legos instead.

Santa

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Dear Santa,

I need more Pokemon cards please! All my friends have more Pokemon cards than

me. Please see what you can do.

Love, Michelle

—–

Dear Michelle,

It blows my fucking mind. Kids are forcing their parents to buy hundreds

of dollars worth of these stupid cards, and none of you snot-nosed brats

are even learning to play the game. Let me get you something more your

speed, like “Chutes and Ladders.”

Santa

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Dear Santa,

I want a new bike, play station, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a

pony and a tuba.

Love, Francis

—–

Dear Francis,

Who names their kid “Francis” nowadays?

Santa

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Dear Santa,

I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your

reindeer outside the backdoor.

Love, Susan

—–

Dear Susan,

Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face. You want to

be a kiss-ass? Leave me a glass of Chivas Regal and some Toblerone.

Santa

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Dear Santa,

What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you making toys?

Your friend, Thomas

—–

Dear Thomas,

All toys get made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most my

time squeezing cocktail waitresses asses, and losing all my cash at the

craps table. Hey, YOU wanted to know!

Santa

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Dear Santa,

Do you see us when we’re sleeping, do you really know when we’re awake, like

in the song?

Love, Jessica

—–

Dear Jessica,

You are that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do, I’m skipping your house…

Santa

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Dear Santa,

I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE

could I have one?

Timmy

—–

Timmy,

That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap don’t

work up here. You’re getting a sweater again.

Santa

*****************************

Dearest Santa,

We don’t have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?

Love, Marky

—–

Mark,

Firstly, stop calling yourself “Marky,” that’s why you’re getting your ass

whipped at school. Secondly, you don’t live in a house, that’s a low-rent

apartment complex you’re living in. Thirdly, I get inside your pad just

like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.

Sweet Dreams!

Santa


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