Joke Overflow –  Joke Archive

Random Thoughts

  • People are more violently opposed to fur than to leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.

  • Why is it that men can react to broken bones as 'just a sprain' and deep wounds as 'just a scratch', but when they get the sniffles they are deathly ill 'with the flu' and have to be bed-ridden for weeks?

  • The electric chair was invented by a dentist. (Makes sense)

  • Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

  • 'Hard work never killed anybody', but why take the risk...

  • How come "abbreviated" is such a long word?

  • They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

  • Welcome To Shit Creek ~ Sorry, We're Out of Paddles!

  • Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.

  • Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.



Q: Doctor,  I’ve heard that  cardiovascular exercise can prolong life.  Is this true?

A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it… Don’t waste on exercise.  Everything wear out eventually.  Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster.  Want to live longer?  Take nap.

 

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A:  No, not at all.  Wine made from fruit.  Brandy is distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way.  Beer also made of grain.  Bottom up!

 

 

Q: How  can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one.  If you have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc.

 

Q: What  are some of  the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can’t think of single one, sorry.  My philosophy is: No pain…good!

 

Q:  Aren’t fried foods bad for you?

A:  YOU NOT LISTENING!  Food are fried these day in vegetable oil..  In fact, they permeated by it.  How could getting more vegetable be bad for you?!?

 

Q:  Will  sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not!  When you exercise muscle, it get bigger.  You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.

 

Q:  Is chocolate bad for me? 

A:  Are you crazy?!?  HEL-LO-O!!  Cocoa bean!  Another vegetable!  It best feel-good food around!

 

Q:  Is swimming good for your figure? 

A:  If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me..

 

Q:  Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle? 

A:  Hey!  ‘Round’ is shape!