Random Thought
“My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.”

Another Thought...

PostHeaderIcon A few one-liners…!

Q: What is the definition of Confidence?

A: When your wife catches you in bed with another woman and you slap her on the ass and say, “You’re next!”

Q: How do you know when you are getting old?

A: When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.

Q: What’s the definition of “trust”?

A: Two cannibals giving each other a blowjob

Q: When is a pixie not a pixie?

A: When he’s got his head up a fairy’s skirt, then he’s a goblin’.

Q: How do you tell that you have a high sperm count

A: Your date has to chew before she swallows

Q: What is the difference between a 69 and driving in the fog?

A: When driving in the fog, you can’t see the asshole in front of you.

Q: What do Kodak and condoms have in common?

A: They both capture the moment.

Q: What’s got 90 balls and makes women sweat?

A: Bingo.

Q: How many Freudian analysts does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Two, one to change the bulb and one to hold the penis….. I mean ladder.

Q: What’s 100 yds long and smells of piss?

A: The Post Office queue on Thursday mornings.

Q: What have the Gas Board and pelicans got in common?

A: They can both stick their bills up their arse.

Q: Why don’t blind people skydive?

A: It scares the shit out of the dog.

Q: What have women and condoms got in common?

A: If they’re not on your dick they’re in your wallet.

Q: What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?

A: Well endowed.

Q: What’s the difference between PMT and BSE?

A: One’s mad cow’s disease and the other’s an agricultural problem.

Q: What’s the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.

Q: Who is the only man, weighing over 11st, who has ridden a Derby winner, since 1945?

A: Lester Piggott’s cell mate.

Q: How do you make a dog drink?

A: Put it in a liquidizer.

Q: What’s got 500 legs and no pubic hair?

A: The front row at a Boyzone concert.

Q: What is the definition of confusion?

A: Twenty blind lesbians in a fish market.


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