The human body has 7 trillion nerves…….my wife manages to get on every f***ing one of them.
I fitted strobe lights in the bedroom.They’re brilliant…It makes the wife look like she’s actually moving during sex…
My wife said that she was leaving me because I always exaggerate. I was so shocked I almost tripped over my penis.
I went to the doctor’s office the other day and found out that my new doctor is young female and drop dead gorgeous.
I was embarrassed, but she said, “Don’t worry, I am a professional – I’ve seen it all before. Just tell me what’s wrong and I’ll check it out.
I said, “My wife thinks that my penis tastes like asparagus”
I was pretty excited when my new girlfriend sent me a text message claiming that she loves anal.
Dyslexic bugger , it turns out that she loves Alan, my best friend……
A guy is watching a film with creepy organ music on the TV w hen he suddenly yells, “Don’t enter that church, you damn fool !!!”
His wife asks him, “What are you watching?”
Husband replies, “Our blooming wedding video”
Life is like a penis….Soft and hanging freely….It’s women that make it hard
I said to the wife, “Get me a newspaper”
“Don’t be silly,” she said “You can borrow my iPad”
That spider never knew what f***ing hit it.
I bought a new perfume for my wife called Chloroform but she says she doesn’t like it.
She says that she tends to get sleepy and it makes her ass sore.