Random Thought
“The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.”

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PostHeaderIcon Ready to have kids!

How To Tell If You’re Ready To Have Kids

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MESS TEST

Smear peanut butter on the sofa and

curtains. Place a fish stick behind the

couch and leave it there all summer.

TOY TEST

Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos (or you

may substitute roofing tacks). Have a

friend spread them all over the house.

Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the

bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream

because this would wake a child at night.

GROCERY STORE TEST

Borrow one or two small animals (goats are

best) and take them with you as you shop.

Always keep them in sight and pay for

anything they eat or damage.

DRESSING TEST

Obtain one large unhappy, live octopus.

Stuff into a small net bag making sure

that all the arms stay inside.

FEEDING TEST

Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill

halfway with water. Suspend from the

ceiling with a cord. Start the jug swinging.

Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal into

the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be

an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug

on the floor.

NIGHT TEST

Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and

fill it with 8-12 pounds of sand. Soak it

thoroughly in water. At 3:00 p.m., begin to

waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 p.m.

Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:OO

p.m. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every

song you have ever heard. Make up about a

dozen more and sing these until 4:00 a.m.

Set alarm for 5:00 a.m. Get up and make

breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years.

Look cheerful.

INGENUITY TEST

Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors

and pot of paint, turn it into an alligator.

Now take a toilet paper tube and turn it into

an attractive Christmas candle. Use only

scotch tape and a piece of foil. Last,

take a milk carton, a Ping-Pong ball,

and an empty box of Cocoa Puffs. Make

an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower.

AUTOMOBILE TEST

Forget the BMW and buy a station wagon.

Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put

it in the glove compartment. Leave it

there. Get a dime. Stick it into the

cassette player. Take a family size

package of chocolate chip cookies and

mash them into the back seat. Run a

garden rake along both sides of the car.

There, perfect.

PHYSICAL TEST (Women)

Obtain a large bean bag chair and

attach it to the front of your clothes.

Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove

10 of the beans. And try not to notice

your closet full of clothes.

You won’t be wearing them for a while.

PHYSICAL TEST (Men)

Go to the nearest drug store. Set your

wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to

help himself. Now proceed to the nearest

food store. Go to the head office and

arrange for your paycheck to be directly

deposited to the store. Purchase a

newspaper. Go home and read it quietly

for the last time.

FINAL ASSIGNMENT

Find a couple who already has a small

child. Lecture them on how they can

improve their discipline, patience,

tolerance, toilet training, and child’s

table manners. Suggest many ways they

can improve. Emphasize to them that

they should never allow their children

to run wild. Enjoy this experience.

It will be the last time you will have

all the answers


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