We cannot see the future. We cannot change the past. We can only live in the now with an eye towards gaining enough power in the future to wreak revenge on the son-of-a-bitch who screwed us in the past.
Light travels faster than sound. This why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
After years of research, scientists have discovered what makes women happy. Nothing.
When blondes have more fun, do they know it?
Food has replaced sex in my life .. now I can't even get into my own pants!
My friend is engaged in a major custody battle. His wife doesn't want him and his mother won't take him back.
This would be really funny if it weren't happening to me.
A little bit of love goes a long way in our lives. It can provide us with higher highs and lower lows. But, if it comes with a persistent burning sensation, see your physician.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
BEER: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX SINCE 3000 B.C.!!!
A woman woke up and told her husband about a dream she’d just had. “I was at an auction for penises. The big ones sold for $1000 and the tiny ones for $10.”
Husband: “What about one my size?”
Wife: “Didn’t get a bid!”
Pissed off and wanting revenge, the next morning he told his wife he’d had a dream too: “I was at an auction for vaginas. The really tight ones sold for $1000 and the loose ones for $10.”
Wife: “What about ones like mine?”
Husband: “That’s where they held the auction.”
