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“Behind every great man, there is a surprised woman.”

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PostHeaderIcon The Model Man!

RULES AND INSTRUCTIONS FOR BEING A MODEL MAN

  1. Don’t call. Ever.

  2. If you don’t like a girl, don’t tell her. Its more fun to let her figure it out herself.

  3. Lie

  4. Name your penis. Be sure it is something narcissistic and unoriginal, such as “Spike”.

  5. If you lose something that belongs to someone else, tell them you mailed it to them or have already given it to them.

  6. Play with yourself as often as possible. Tell everyone about it.

  7. Be as ambiguous as possible. A grunt is an appropriate answer to a question.

  8. Always remember: You are a man and therefore it is not your fault.

  9. Lie.

  10. Girls find it attractive if a man has more woman than baths.

  11. Never ask for help. Even if you really need help – don’t ask. People will think you have no penis.

  12. Woman like it when you ignore them.

  13. When clearing your throat make as much noise as possible. People will think you have a big penis.

  14. If ever you have to talk to a woman on the phone use only monosyllabic words and noises. Bodily noises are permissible.

  15. Everyone finds a man more attractive if he can write his name in urine.

  16. One sure way to make a girl like you is to go after her best friend.

  17. Tell her that you will call. Then refer to Rule 1.

  18. Don’t wear matching clothes. People will think that your girlfriend picked them out which will cramp your style when picking up other chicks.

  19. Lie.

  20. Deny Everything. Everything.

  21. Don’t have a clue.

  22. If you get a clue, pretend you didn’t and disregard it.

  23. No means yes.

  24. Yes means no.

  25. If you don’t get sex whenever you want, your balls will shrivel. You may get sick or even die. This is one of the most important rules.

  26. If anyone should ask, you have had sex in all positions and in all locations.

  27. Much like an orgasm signifies the end of a sexual peak, sex signifies the end of a relationship.

  28. You have no feelings.

  29. Life is one big competition. If someone is better than you at something, either pretend it is not true or kick their ass.

  30. Lie I tell you!!

  31. DO NOT make decisions about relationships. When backed into corner leave yourself a loophole. For example: Question “Honey, will you take me for a romantic dinner?” Answer “Yes, if you can guess how many sperm I produce each day.”

  32. Every sentence can be twisted to have a sexual connotation. Twist.

  33. At any given opportunity point out how certain items look like genitalia.

  34. Make a replica of your penis out of Play Doh. Exaggerate proportions by 25%.

  35. Lie.

  36. “Love” is not in your vocabulary. Don’t say it.

  37. If whatever you are doing does not satisfy you in five minutes, its not worth it.

  38. Diss your girlfriend. Beg and plead to get her back. Diss her again. Repeat cycle.

  39. Lie.

  40. Apologize whenever it is expected. Never mean it.

  41. If you hurt someone, pretend you care. But don’t.

  42. It is OK to forget trivial things such girlfriend’s birthday, anniversaries etc.

  43. Ignorance solves problems.

  44. It is not your duty to be responsible for your actions.

  45. Create new words to describe genitalia, semen, sex etc.

  46. Lie.

  47. Play with your food when in a public place with people you don’t know.

  48. Play with your penis when in a public place with people you don’t know.

  49. If people express disgust at something you are doing then DON’T stop. This is the desired reaction.

  50. You are not a virgin. Men are born without virginity.

  51. You are male and therefore superior.

  52. Typical Evening: Get beer. Drink beer. Play with yourself. Have sex. Drink more beer. Pass out.

  53. Females do not care what you do to them as long as they get to please you.

  54. Don’t ever notice anything.

  55. If you are going out with someone but you love someone else, don’t say anything.

  56. Fundamental of dating: Quantity not quality.

  57. Fundamental of sex: Quantity is quality.

  58. Lie.

  59. If you cheat on a girl, but no one finds out, then technically you have done nothing wrong.

  60. Men don’t cry as they have nothing to cry about.

  61. If the question begins with “Why” then the answer is “I don’t know.”

  62. Every virgin girl is saving themselves for you.

  63. Never let anyone say “I told you so”. If you hear this phrase other than from your own mouth then go ballistic.

  64. Other peoples pain is for your amusement. Be sure to laugh long and hard.

  65. Lie.

  66. If you’ve done something mean to a girl then pretend nothing happened. If she continues to be upset ask casually “Is something wrong?”

  67. Comment: “Lets be friends” Translation: “Its bad for my good boy image to just never speak to you again.”

  68. When on a date and there is a lull in conversation, tell her how many girls you’ve had sex with.

  69. Lie, all the time.

  70. Here’s a good trick. Tell a girl you are going to leave the room for a few minutes and when you come back you want her naked sprawled on the bed. Go and tell her father he should check on his daughter. (True story)

  71. Default facial expression: Blank stare.

  72. Beer. Then more beer.

  73. One word: RUGBY.

  74. Real men beat up others who are inferior. After all, we don’t want them to breed.


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