Joke Overflow –  Joke Archive

Random Thoughts

  • Toilet stolen from police station. Cops have nothing to go on.

  • I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, 'Well, that's not going to happen.'

  • My reality check bounced.

  • Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection make him a sandwich!

  • The light at the end of the tunnel is the normally the headlight of the oncoming train.

  • Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.

  • There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.

  • What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread?

  • The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, But also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

  • You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.



A little old lady is walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags rips, and every once in a while a £20 note falls out onto the sidewalk.

Noticing this, a policeman stops her, and says, “Ma’am, there are £20 notes falling out of your bag.”

“Oh, really? Darn!” says the little old lady. “I’d better go back, and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me..”

“Well, now, not so fast,” says the cop. “How did you get all that money?” “You didn’t steal it, did you?”

“Oh, no”, says the little old lady. “You see, my back yard is right next to the football stadium parking. On game days, a lot of fans come and pee through the fence into my flower garden. So, I stand behind the fence with my hedge clippers. Each time some guy sticks his thing through the fence, I say, “£20 or off it comes.”

“Well, that seems only fair.” laughs the cop. “OK? Good luck! Oh, by the way, what’s in the other bag?”

“Well, you know”, says the little old lady, “not everybody pays.”