The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos...then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation.
There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an aeroplane: Either you have diarrhoea, or you're anxious to meet people who do.
Earn cash in your spare time...blackmail friends!
Today I met with a subliminal advertising executive for just a second.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
The other night I ate at a real family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.
Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me 'What's on the TV?' I said, 'Dust!'
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize
Love means never having to say, "Does that twenty include the spanking?"
Seen in the want ads:
A tall well-built woman with good
reputation, who can cook frogs
legs, who appreciates a good fuc-
schia garden, classic music and tal-
king without getting too serious.
Feel free to apply, but please only read lines 1, 3, and 5.
