If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.
Those who live by the sword... get shot by those who don't.
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
In marriage, the bride gets a shower. But for the groom, it's curtains!
NASA reports that galaxies are speeding away from earth at 90,000 miles a second. What do you suppose they know that we don't?
If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me.
Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.
A man found a magic genie who would grant him one wish. The man said to the genie,” I wish that I had a non-stop bridge from here to Hawaii.” The genie said,” I’m sorry, but that’s going to be very hard. Do you have another wish?” The man answered, “Of course! I want the power to understand all women.” The genie thought for a minute. He replied, “How many platforms did you want on that bridge?”
