Boldly Going Nowhere
Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a frisbee.
Dreaming frees the soul, energizes the spirit and allows you to do things that would get your ass thrown in jail if you really tried them.
Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
Red meat is not bad for you, but fuzzy green meat is.
I was at a restaurant yesterday. I asked the waiter for the black pepper, and he gave me the Sowetan.
Some people are like Slinkies. . . not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage.
My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.
Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children".
There are two blondes playing golf. One tees off and hits a man as he’s walking to the next hole. He immediately clasps his hands over his crotch and falls to his knees in pain.
The two blondes run over and ask him if he is all right. He says that he is fine, but the blondes insist on helping him. They unzip his pants and begin to massage his crotch.
After a while one blonde asks if it feels better, and he says, “That felt good, but my hand still hurts like crazy!”
