Joke Overflow –  Joke Archive

Random Thoughts

  • You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.

  • A bad day of fishing is still better than a good day of work..!!!

  • First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!' Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'

  • Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all people who opposed them.

  • Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.

  • If you can't get a lawyer who knows the law, get one who knows the judge.

  • If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.

  • In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

  • Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

  • I'm a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I'll forget.



A little old lady is walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags rips, and every once in a while a £20 note falls out onto the sidewalk.

Noticing this, a policeman stops her, and says, “Ma’am, there are £20 notes falling out of your bag.”

“Oh, really? Darn!” says the little old lady. “I’d better go back, and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me..”

“Well, now, not so fast,” says the cop. “How did you get all that money?” “You didn’t steal it, did you?”

“Oh, no”, says the little old lady. “You see, my back yard is right next to the football stadium parking. On game days, a lot of fans come and pee through the fence into my flower garden. So, I stand behind the fence with my hedge clippers. Each time some guy sticks his thing through the fence, I say, “£20 or off it comes.”

“Well, that seems only fair.” laughs the cop. “OK? Good luck! Oh, by the way, what’s in the other bag?”

“Well, you know”, says the little old lady, “not everybody pays.”