Joke Overflow –  Joke Archive

Random Thoughts

  • The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.

  • Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

  • Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job,and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp.

  • Eat one live toad first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.

  • When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

  • Life is tough. It's tougher if you're stupid.

  • Red meat is not bad for you, but fuzzy green meat is.

  • I don't want to achieve immortality through my work, I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

  • Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.

  • Boldly Going Nowhere



Michael Jackson died of a heart attack this morning after he discovered that
Boyz II Men was a band, not a delivery service.

- – - – - – - – - -

Reports suggest that his heart attack was brought on by him choking on a
small bone.

- – - – - – - – - -

Actually – it wasn’t a heart attack. Apparently it was food poisoning (he
had some 12-year-old nuts.)

- – - – - – - – - -

Michael Jackson did manage to whisper a brief message 2 paramedics on the
way to the hospital… “Put me in the children’s ward.”

- – - – - – - – - -

It was touch-and-go at the hospital last night. Then they moved Jacko away
from the children’s ward.

- – - – - – - – - -

They can’t decide what to do with him. Have a funeral… or a Tupperware
party.

- – - – - – - – - -

Michael Jackson has died aged 50. In spirit of recycling, he will be melted
down into plastic cups so kids can still get their lips around his rim.

OR:

Authorities have released a statement saying that they will melt his body
down and make plastic toys, so kids can play with him for a change.

- – - – - – - – - -

At the autopsy they found children’s underwear strapped to his upper arm.
According to his doctors it is just a patch: he’s been trying to quit for a
while.

- – - – - – - – - -

Michael Jackson is not going to be buried or cremated but recycled into
shopping bags so he can remain white, plastic and dangerous for kids to play
with.