“Politically Correct Christmas Memo”

To: All Holiday Participants

Re: Chrismukah

Subject: UNEXPECTED MERGER

Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and

acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference

that Christmas and Hanukkah will merge. An industry source

said that the deal had been in the works about 1300 years.

While details were not available at press time, it is believed

that the overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas

and eight days of Hanukkah was becoming prohibitive for

both sides. By combining forces, we’re told, the world will

be able to enjoy consistently high-quality service during the

fifteen Days of Chrismukah, as the new holiday is being called.

Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-

milking being the hardest hit. As part of the conditions of the

agreement, the letters on the dreidel, currently in Hebrew, will

be replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to a wider

audience.

Also, instead of translating to “A great miracle happened there,”

the message on the dreidel will be the more generic “Miraculous

stuff happens.”

In exchange, it is believed that Jews will be allowed to use

Santa Claus and his vast merchandising resources for buying and

delivering their gifts.

One of the sticking points holding up the agreement for at least

three hundred years was the question of whether Jewish children

could leave milk and cookies for Santa even after having eaten meat

for dinner. A breakthrough came last year, when Oreos were finally

declared to be Kosher. All sides appeared happy about this.

Fortunately for all concerned, he said, Kwanzaa will help to

maintain the competitive balance. He then closed the press conference

by leading all present in a rousing rendition of “Oy Vey, All Ye

Faithful.”