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“I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.”

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PostHeaderIcon The Axis of Evil!

“Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the “Axis of Evil,” Libya,

China, and Syria today announced they had formed the “Axis of Just as

Evil,” which they said would be way eviler than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North

Korea axis President Bush warned of his State of the Union address.

Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new axis as

having, for starters, a really dumb name. “Right. They are Just as Evil…

in their dreams!” declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. “Everybody

knows we”re the best evils… best at being evil… we”re the best.”

Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although

they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil.

“They told us it was full,” said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad.

“An Axis can”t have more than three countries,” explained Iraqi President

Saddam Hussein. “This is not my rule, it”s tradition. In World War II you

had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So you can only have three.

And a secret handshake. Ours is wicked cool.”

THE AXIS PANDEMIC International reaction to Bush”s Axis of Evil declaration

was swift, as within minutes, France surrendered.

Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in what

became a game of geopolitical chairs. Cuba, Sudan, and Serbia said they had

formed the Axis of Somewhat Evil, forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and

Myanmar in the Axis of Occasionally Evil, while Bulgaria, Indonesia and

Russia established the Axis of Not So Much Evil Really As Just Generally


With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling up,

Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the Axis of

Countries That Aren”t the Worst But Certainly Won”t Be Asked to Host the

Olympics; Canada, Mexico, and Australia formed the Axis of Nations That Are

Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Nasty Thoughts About America, while

Spain, Scotland, and New Zealand established the Axis of Countries That Be

Allowed to Ask Sheep to Wear Lipstick.

“That”s not a threat, really, just something we like to do,” said Scottish

Executive First Minister Jack McConnell.

While wondering if the other nations of the world weren”t perhaps making

fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axes, although he

rejected the establishment of the Axis of Countries Whose Names End in

“Guay,” accusing one of its members of filing a false application.

Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges.

Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn”t want to join any Axis, but privately,

world leaders said that”s only because no one asked them.

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