Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

Considering all the lint you get in your dryer, if you kept drying your clothes would they eventually just disappear?

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

How come when you first pull the drapery cord the drapes always move the wrong way?

A crust eaten in peace is better than a banquet partaken in anxiety.

A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it.

Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment.

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?

If your feet smell and your nose runs, you're built upside down.

Love thy neighbor, but make sure her husband is away first.