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“Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography.”

Another Thought...

PostHeaderIcon Country Bashing!

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ENGLISH

  1. Two World Wars and One World Cup-doo-dah, doo-dah

  2. Proper beer

  3. You get to confuse everyone with the rules of cricket

  4. You get to accept defeat graciously in major sporting events

  5. Union jack underpants

  6. Water shortages guaranteed every single summer

  7. You can live in the past and imagine you are still a world power.

  8. Bathing once a week – whether you need to or not

  9. Ditto changing underwear

  10. Beats being Welsh.

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING SCOTTISH :

  1. You ain’t English

  2. You ain’t English

  3. You ain’t English

  4. You ain’t English

  5. You ain’t English

  6. You ain’t English

  7. You ain’t English

  8. You ain’t English

  9. You ain’t English

  10. You ain’t English

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING DUTCH

  1. You can get arrested for growing plants, but not for smoking them

  2. You can make jokes about the Belgians and still drink their beer.

  3. They pay you back by selling you illegal fireworks and let you blow up small parts of your country.

  4. You’re exactly like the Germans, except that nobody hates you.

  5. You think you are a world power, but everyone else thinks Copenhagen is your capital…..

  6. You get to insult people and defend yourself by saying it’s national tradition.

  7. You can put your finger in a dyke and it will save your country

    a. You can legally kill yourself

    b. You can legally be killed

  8. You live in the most densely populated country in Europe, and still you’ve never seen your neighbours.

  9. If the economy is bad, blame the Germans. If a war is started, blame the Germans. If you loose your keys, blame the Germans.

  10. Bikes are public property. Locks are a challenge

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING BELGIAN

  1. You get to speak three languages, but none of them intelligibly.

  2. If other countries want to fight a war, they will do in your country.

  3. You can brew drinks out of fruit, and still call it beer.

  4. You are either-

    a.like the Dutch, just less efficient

    b.like the French, just less romantic

    c.like the Germans

  5. Decent fries. Real mayonnaise. Great chocolate. The best beer. Need I say more?

  6. No one knows anything about you, except for the Dutch and French and they make fun of you.

  7. More scandals in a week than any other country in a decade.

  8. You can drive like a maniac on the road and nobody cares

  9. All your famous countrymen are either imaginary, or sex-offenders

  10. Face it. It’s not really a country, is it?

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING FRENCH:

  1. When speaking fast you can make yourself sound gay

  2. Experience the joy of winning the World Cup for the first time

  3. You get to eat insect food like snails and frog’s legs

  4. If there’s a war you can surrender really early

  5. You don’t have to read the subtitles on those late night films on Channel4.

  6. You can test your own nuclear weapons in other people’s countries (Well who hasn’t eh?)

  7. You can be ugly and still become a famous film star

  8. Allow Germans to march up and down your most famous street humiliating your sense of national pride

  9. You don’t have to bother with toilets, just sh..t in the street

  10. People think you’re a great lover even when you’re not

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING AMERICAN

  1. You can have a woman president without electing her

  2. You can spell color wrong and get away with it

  3. You can call Budweiser beer

  4. You can be a crook and still be president

  5. If you’ve got enough money you can get elected to do anything

  6. If you can breathe you can get a gun

  7. You get to be really obese

  8. You can play golf in the most hideous clothes ever made and nobody seems to care.

  9. You get to call everyone you’ve never met buddy

  10. You can think you’re the greatest nation on earth.

    a. When you’re not.

    b. At all.

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING NORWEGIAN:

  1. You get to pay the highest taxes in the world

  2. You can kill baby seals and eat Rudolf the Reindeer

  3. You live in total freezing darkness half the year and get 24 hour ozone-hole radiation the other half

  4. You can get capital punishment for smoking dope

  5. You can go skiing in your knickers

  6. You get to hate the Swedes and beat the Brazilians in football

  7. You have to be a woman to get anywhere

  8. You don’t need to worry about land prices rocketing – its fairly spacious

  9. When abroad you can impress people you meet with stories about killing polar bears and shagging penguins – and they believe you

  10. You can actually get bored with blondes

  11. You get to wear fantastic jumpers

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ITALIAN :

  1. In-depth knowledge of bizarre pasta shapes

  2. Unembarrassed to wear fur.

  3. No need to worry about tax returns

  4. Glorious military history prior to 400 b.c.

  5. Can wear sunglasses inside

  6. Political stability

  7. Flexible working hours

  8. Live near the Pope

  9. Can spend hours braiding girlfriend’s armpit hair

  10. Country run by Sicilian murderers

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING SPANISH :

  1. Glorious history of killing South American tribes

  2. The rest of Europe thinks Africa begins at the Pyrenees

  3. You get your beaches invaded by Germans, Danes, Brits, etc.

  4. The rest of your country is already invaded by Moroccans

  5. Everybody else makes crap paella and claims it’s the real thing

  6. Honesty

  7. Only sure way of bedding a woman is to dress up in stupid, tight clothes and risk your life in front of bulls

  8. You get to eat bulls’ testicles

  9. Gibraltar

  10. Supported Argentina in Falklands War.

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING GERMAN :

Give them a second chance

  1. Oktoberfe

  2. Oktoberfest-beer

  3. BMW

  4. VW

  5. Audi

  6. Mercedes

  7. On a highway you can travel at a speed that whould bring you to jail in any other country of the world

  8. You do not have to learn german as a foreign language.

  9. You think Sauerkraut is delicious

  10. Contrary to common belief laughing is not forbidden by law

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING WELSH:

  1. You’ve got to be having a laugh, haven’t you?

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING AUSTRALIAN:

  1. Know your great-grand-dad was a murdering bar steward that no civilized nation on earth wanted.

  2. Fosters Lager

  3. Dispossess Aborigines who have lived in your country for 40,000 years because you think it belongs to you.

  4. Cricket captain not afraid to cry live on TV.

  5. Tact and sensitivity.

  6. Bondi Beach.

  7. Other beaches.

  8. Liberated attitude to homosexuals

  9. Drinking cold lager on the beach

  10. Having a bit of a swim and then drink some cold lager on the beach.

ADVANTAGES OF BEING SOUTH AFRICAN

  1. No need trying to keep up with the Joneses, they emigrated last week.

  2. You can eat worms and half dried meat and not be considered disgusting

  3. Nothing is your fault, you can blame it all on apartheid…

  4. Unrivalled job prospects for those unburdened with training, skills or experience.

  5. You get to buy a new car every 3 months and the insurance company even pays for it..

  6. You can experience “kak” service in eleven official languages

  7. Where else can you get oranges with 45% alcohol content at rugby matches?

  8. It’s the only country in the world where striking workers show how angry they are by dancing..

  9. You’re considered clumsy if you cannot: use a cell-phone, change a CD, drink beer and smoke, all at the same time while driving a car at 160km/h


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