Random Thought
“I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a Great White or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.”

Another Thought...

PostHeaderIcon One Liners at random!

Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?

A: Ask your mother.

Q: How do you embarrass an archeologist?

A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.

Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

A: Wiped his ass.

Q: What did the gynaecologist and the pizza delivery man have in common?

A: They both get to smell the goods but neither one of them can eat it.

Q: How can you tell if you’re at a bulimic bachelor party?

A: The cake jumps out of the girl.

Q: What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?

A: Full.

Q: What’s the difference between oral sex & anal sex?

A: Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

Q: What is blonde, has six legs, and roams Michael Jackson’s dreams every night??

A: Hanson.

Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?

A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

Q: What do you call a dog with 4″ legs and 6″ steel balls?

A: Sparky.

Q: What’s somewhat brown and often found in children’s underpants?

A: Michael Jackson’s hand.

Q: Why doesn’t Mexico have an Olympic team?

A: Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S.

Q: What’s the difference between a bitch and a whore?

A: A whore sleeps with everybody at the party, and a bitch sleeps with everybody at the party except you.

Q: What’s the difference between love, true love and showing off?

A: Spitting, swallowing and gargling

Q: What are the three words you dread the most while making love?

A: “Honey, I’m home.”

Q: What’s the difference between white fairy tales and black fairy tales?

A: White fairy tales start, “Once upon a time…”. ??? Black fairy tales start, “Yo, you mother fuckers ain’t gonna believe this shit…”

Q: What’s so good about an Ethiopian blow job?

A: You know she’ll swallow.

Q: Why don’t they teach driver’s education and sex education on the same day in Iraq?

A: They don’t want to wear out the camel.

Q: What’s the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?

A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewellery.

Q: What do you get if you cross a Hell’s Angel with a Jehovah’s Witness?

A: Someone who knocks on your door on a Sunday morning and tells YOU to fuck off!

Q: Do you know why women fake orgasm?

A: Because men fake fore-play.

Q: What’s the difference between getting a divorce and getting circumcised?

A: When you get a divorce, you get rid of the whole prick!

Q: A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of?

A: Dating children.

Q: What’s the difference between a G- Spot and a golf ball?

A: A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

Q: Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle?

A: She knows she’s given her last blow job.

Q: What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?

A: Cough, gag, choke, etc.

Q: What did One gay sperm say to another?

A: How do we find an egg in all of this shit?

Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?

A: It’s cute but can you pick up peanuts with it?

Q: What has seventy-five balls and screws old ladies?

A: Bingo!

Q: When is a pixie not a pixie?

A: When he’s got his head up a fairy’s skirt, then he’s a goblin’.

Q: What’s the definition of a Yankee?

A: Same thing as a “quickie”, only you do it yourself.

Q: How does every ethnic joke start?

A: By looking over your shoulder.

Q: What’s a Japanese girl’s favourite holiday?

A: Erection day.

Q: How can you tell if a valentine card is from a leper?

A: The tongue’s still in the envelope.

Q: Which of the following doesn’t belong: wife, meat, eggs, blow job?

A: The blow job. You can beat your wife, your eggs, or your meat; but you just can’t beat a blow job.


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