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“Ham and eggs: Just a day's work for a chicken, but a lifetime commitment for a pig.”

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PostHeaderIcon Stages of life!

THE MALE STAGES OF LIFE

AGE     DRINK

17 —- beer

25 —- vodka

35 —- scotch

48 —- double scotch

66 —- cod liver oil

AGE     SEDUCTION LINE

17 —- My parents are away for the weekend.

25 —- My girlfriend is away for the weekend.

35 —- My fiancee is away for the weekend.

48 —- My wife is away for the weekend.

66 —- My wife is dead.

AGE     FAVOURITE SPORT

17 —- sex

25 —- sex

35 —- sex

48 —- channel surfing

66 —- napping

AGE     DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE

17 —- “tongue”

25 —- “breakfast”

35 —- “She didn’t set back my therapy.”

48 —- “I didn’t have to meet her kids.”

66 —- “Got home alive.”

AGE     FAVOURITE FANTASY

17 —- a winning goal after the whistle

25 —- sex in an aeroplane

35 —- menage a trois

48 —- taking over the company

66 —- Swiss maid/Nazi love slave

AGE     WHAT’S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?

17 —- 25

25 —- 35

35 —- 48

48 —- 66

66 —- 17

AGE     IDEAL DATE

17 —- Triple horror special feature at a drive-in

25 —- “Split the bill before we go back to my place”

35 —- “Just come over.”

48 —- “Just come over and cook.”

66 —- Sex in the company jet on the way to Las Vegas.

THE FEMALE STAGES OF LIFE

AGE     DRINK

17 —- Wine Coolers

25 —- White wine

35 —- Red wine

48 —- Dom Perignon

66 —- Shot of Jack Daniels with a Napkin chaser

AGE     EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES

17 —- Need to wash my hair

25 —- Need to wash and condition my hair

35 —- Need to colour my hair

48 —- Need to have Stefan colour my hair

66 —- Need to have Stefan colour my wig

AGE     FAVOURITE SPORT

17 —- shopping

25 —- shopping

35 —- shopping

48 —- shopping

66 —- shopping

AGE     DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE

17 —- “McDonalds”

25 —- “Free meal”

35 —- “A diamond”

48 —- “A bigger diamond”

66 —- “Home Alone”

AGE     FAVOURITE FANTASY

17 —- tall, dark and handsome

25 —- tall, dark and handsome with money

35 —- tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain

48 —- a man with hair

66 —- a man

AGE     WHAT’S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED

17 —- 17

25 —- 25

35 —- 35

48 —- 48

66 —- 66

AGE     IDEAL DATE

17 —- He offers to pay

25 —- He pays

35 —- He cooks breakfast the next morning

48 —- He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids

66 —- He can chew breakfast


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