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“Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.”

Another Thought...

PostHeaderIcon Tips on Johannesburg Driving Ethics!

  1. Turn signals will give away your next move – a real Johannesburg driver never uses them.

  2. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or somebody else will fill in that space, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

  3. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is considered “going with the flow.”

  4. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.

  5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork. The other guy doesn’t have anything to lose.

  6. Braking is to be done as hard and as late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it’s a chance to stretch legs.

  7. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and are apparently not enforceable in the metro area during rush hour.

  8. Please remember that there is no such thing as a shortcut during rush-hour traffic in Johannesburg.

  9. Always slow down and rubber-neck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire.

  10. Everybody thinks their vehicle is better than yours, especially BMW and 4WD drivers.

  11. Learn to swerve abruptly. Johannesburg is the home of High-Speed Slalom Driving thanks to the Department of Roadworks, which puts potholes in key locations to test drivers’ reflexes and keep them on their toes.

  12. It is traditional in Johannesburg to honk your horn at cars that don’t move the instant the light changes.

  13. Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes your right of way.

  14. Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left before proceeding.

  15. Remember that the goal of every Johannesburg driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary.

  16. Real Johannesburg women drivers can put on pantyhose and apply eye makeup at 75kph in bumper-to-bumper traffic.

  17. Real Johannesburg men drivers can remove pantyhose and bra’s at 75 kph in bumper-to-bumper traffic.

  18. Heavy fog and rain are no reasons to change any of the previously listed rules. These weather conditions are God’s way of ensuring a natural selection process for body shops, junkyards, and new vehicle sales.

  19. There is a common held belief in Johannesburg that high speed tailgating in heavy traffic reduces petrol consumption as you get sucked along in the slipstream of the car in front.

  20. It’s OK to cut off fully loaded trucks, semi-trailers, road trains and buses because they have brakes.

  21. It is an essential duty of the driver to preserve the life of his passengers. Hence, no matter how much of an inconvenience it may be, always find a detour around Louis Botha Avenue, Jan Smuts, and the Jo’burg CBD.

  22. Always anticipate oncoming traffic while driving down a one way street.

  23. It’s O.K when driving in Johannesburg’s South Eastern suburbs to air our grievances at bad drivers by giving the “one finger salute” while screaming out “a#hole”. But it is imperative that you drive at least a 5 litre V8 with fur on the dash and a crow bar in your lap.

  24. Remember that the person behind you in the on / off ramp has the right of way.

  25. Johannesburg drivers are able to drive whilst juggling a cigarette, a drink and a cell ‘phone.


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