Joke Overflow –  Joke Archive

Random Thoughts

  • It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

  • I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished.

  • Bricks are horrible to carry.

  • God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

  • How come "abbreviated" is such a long word?

  • When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

  • Even if the voices aren't real, they have some pretty good ideas.

  • Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.

  • Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat pork. I'm sorry, what was that last one?? Don't eat pork. God has spoken. Is that the word of God or is that pigs trying to outsmart everybody?

  • Make love, not war. Hell, do both: get married!



Things you don”t really need to know but are interesting… (if you like that sort of thing)

  1. Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

  2. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.

  3. There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.

  4. The average person”s left hand does 56% of the typing.

  5. A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

  6. There are more chickens than people in the world.

  7. The longest one-syllable word in the English language is “screeched.”

  8. On a Canadian two-dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag.

  9. All of the clocks in the movie “Pulp Fiction” are stuck on 4:20.

  10. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver or purple.

  11. “Dreamt” is the only English word that ends in the letters “mt”.

  12. Almonds are a member of the peach family.

  13. There are only 4 words in the English language which end in “dous”: tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.

  14. A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

  15. An ostrich”s eye is bigger than its brain.

  16. Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.

  17. In most advertisements, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.

  18. Al Capone”s business card said he was a used furniture dealer.

  19. The characters Bert & Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra”s “It”s a Wonderful Life.”

  20. A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.

  21. A goldfish has a memory span of 3 seconds.

  22. It”s impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

  23. The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.

  24. In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.

  25. The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.

  26. The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.

  27. There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.

  28. The average human eats 8 spiders in their lifetime at night.

  29. A cockroach can live nine days without its head before it starves to death.

  30. A polar bear”s skin is black. Its fur is not white, but actually clear.

  31. Elvis had a twin brother named Aaron, who died at birth, which is why Elvis” middle name was spelled Aron: in honor of his brother. It is also misspelled on his tomb stone.

  32. Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn”t wear pants.

  33. More people are killed by donkeys annually than are killed in plane crashes.

  34. Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.

  35. Shakespeare invented the words “assassination” and “bump.”

  36. Marilyn Monroe had 6 toes on one foot.

  37. If you keep a goldfish in the dark room, it will eventually turn white.

  38. Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

  39. Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do.

  40. The sentence “the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog” uses every letter in the English language.

  41. The names of the continents all end with the same letter with which they start.

  42. TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters on only one row of the keyboard.

  43. The word racecar and kayak are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left.

  44. A snail can sleep for 3 years.

  45. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.

  46. The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

  47. Vatican City is the smallest country in the world with a population of 1,000 and a size of 108.7 acres.

  48. “I am.” is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.

  49. No president of the United states was an only child.

  50. The average chocolate bar has 8 insects” legs in it.