You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

God created cats so that men could learn to understand women.

Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job,and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp.

There is a very fine line between "hobby" and mental illness.

Why do women never say what they want or mean because they always expect men to innately know what they are thinking? Do they think men are psychic?

A bad day of fishing is still better than a good day of work..!!!

Never trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

Life is tough. It's tougher if you're stupid.