Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.

People are more violently opposed to fur than to leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.

Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.

Life is tough. It's tougher if you're stupid.

Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

Ham and eggs: Just a day's work for a chicken, but a lifetime commitment for a pig.

There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

Always take time to stop and smell the roses... and sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee.

When a man steals your wife,there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.