The income tax has made more liars out of people than golf has.

Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, 'Well, that's not going to happen.'

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.

If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.

I live in my own little world. But it's OK...they know me here.

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to edge his car onto a freeway.

Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage.

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

People who cannot make love make money.